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Tag Archives: fibromyalgia

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Why I Am So Over Life Updates

The last thing I want to be writing right now is yet another life update. But after another couple of months of unexplained absence from the blog and most of my social media, I don’t really feel right about jumping back in without explaining to my regular readers what has been going on.

I did manage maintain social media for a while, but honestly life has just been consumed by other things and I didn’t have the energy to even put towards that. So I had to decide what priorities were. And there has been a lot of things happening in life recently that just had to be my priority.

I honestly don’t remember how much of this got covered in my last blog post when I tried to come back last time, so I will just start in the beginning. If you do follow me on social media, then you know at least part of what happened. I did adopt a new kitten. What you may not know is I ended up adopting a second kitten.

After my cat Ophelia passed away this winter we were not planning on adopting any more for a while, but we soon realized Lady Catterly was having a harder time with it that we had expected. So we adopted kitten number one.

Sophie

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Her name is Sophie, and she does the best Gene Simmons impersonations. The first week we had Sophie things went really well between her and Lady Catterly. It was the next week when things started to change,  and Sophie became very aggressive.

I have had a lot of people tell me this was normal for kittens, and some degree of high energy and kitten play is indeed normal. But when I say she was being aggressive, it was including things you typically see only when cats are going after prey. We kept hoping it was going to get better, but after several weeks of it just getting worse And it got so bad, we were really worried we would have to rehome her.

So we did a lot research and talking to people again. A friend who helps run a rescue organization suggested the best thing to do was to get another kitten who was about the same age and size. She said that occasionally there are kittens who are just so far above average on energy, that when paired with a cat that doesn’t want to play as much as they do it can lead to the kitten becoming aggressive.

My husband and I talked it over. Neither of us were opposed to getting another kitten. And it wasn’t as if we hadn’t had three cats before. So I went on search of another kitten close to Sophie’s age.

Luna Lovekitty

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So that is how we ended up with our second kitten or third cat. And I named her Luna Lovekitty, which if you are a Harry Potter fan you will get the reference.

But you are at this point probably wondering how getting new cats kept me from blogging. I promise, I am getting to that part, and it’s not just the cats.

So we did the slow introduction thing again with Luna Lovekitty, just as I have with every cat I have ever introduced into my home. Luna had been fixed just a few days before we adopted her, so we wanted to make sure to take it extra slow and only let her out a couple of hours at a time so she wouldn’t strain herself. But after just the first time out playing with Sophie I noticed that Luna’s incisions where she had been spayed were leaking. (Previously I had also noticed when we adopted her that her incision spot was lumpy, for lack of a better term. At the time I just thought that maybe her stitched had been done oddly, but didn’t think anything else about it until this moment.)

Of course this happens all late on a Friday night. Along with it being a weekend, the Humane Society where we adopted her was having phone and messaging issues, so getting ahold of them was not possible. We took her to our regular vet in an emergency appointment.

It turned out that Luna had an infection from the stitches they used. My vet said occasionally that cats react to the type of material they use in typical stitches. So they gave her some antibiotics and told us to contact the humane society. She needed to have her surgery redone with different stitches, and there was concern that the lumps we were feeling in her tummy was actually a hernia. In the mean time she had to be kept separate and calm. We also had to clean and disinfect the area where her stitches were several times a day. The topper was they wanted all this to happen for two weeks.

And if you want to see the saddest thing in the world…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

…it would definitely be a cat in a head cone.

Luna’s got her surgery scheduled, she was in and out in one day. They replaced the stitches with what they called meta plates. However, I thought they looked like just regular staples to me. The one thing to be thankful for was that it was not a hernia she had. It was from the allergic reaction, a cyst like structure had formed under the skin. They were able to remove that at the same time they did everything else.

Unfortunately, that was not the end of Luna’s struggles. She has since also had a stomach bug that she had to take medicine for. She has had a really hard start to life. Thankfully things are getting better for her, but taking care of her and the other kitties did consume a lot of my time. At one point all three of them were sick and on medicine, and they all had separate vet appointments. It really was all I could do just to keep up with them and their health care.

But as I said, it has not been just the cats that has taken me away from the blog. Amongst all of the time I have spent taking care of the cats health, I always have the issues with mine. While I am definitely feeling better than I was last year since I am in clear from the B-12 deficiency, I will always have my fibromyalgia to contend with. And in general our weather has been cold and rainy until the last couple of weeks, so I have had at least a couple of bad days a week. Pair that with a couple of major sinus infections that lasted longer than they should, and it really takes time away from what you are trying to do.

I have also had a lot of positive things keeping me busy. I believe in one my last blog post I had mentioned that Steampunk Symposium was coming up. That happened, and a lot of fun was had by all. My friend Jenny and I did do a panel. I still intend to share a recap of that here.

We also keep finding things that need to be finished with our house before my niece moves in with us at the end of this month. So while I keep feeling like we are almost done with what has to be finished, we aren’t really finished. In fact there is a lot to be done even after she moves in, we just have a list of things that must be done before she is here. At the moment I have am trying to clear out the closet of the room my nice is moving into. That of course means I have lots of things I will be adding to my Poshmark closet if you want to check that out.

And we have planned a vacation for this year, or I should say we are still in the midst of planning. We will be going to London this August. Do expect to see some vacation tie in posts again this year, both before and after the trip. Just like last year, some of them will be clothing related while others will be centered around other aspects of travel. If there is something you would like me to cover specifically, or if you have a question, make sure to send me a message.

My schedule at this point seems to be getting back to a normal pace, so I hope this time I will be actually able to consistently blog.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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What It’s Like To Be A Fat, Sick, Woman In The US – Part 3: Can Anyone Hear Me

So far we have talked about why I wanted to speak about this subject in part 1, and my diagnoses (or essentially why this is so relevant and important to me) in part 2. If you missed those posts, you can find them here at Part 1 and Part 2.

 

Today I wanted to talk to you about something that ties this together. While it’s not the only issue, its something I see as one of the big issues that women, people who are overweight, and people with disabilities deal with to one degree. In one way or another they all, in a sense, have their voice taken away. What do I mean by that? People constantly talk over you, they put words in your mouth, and they often think they know what is better for you than you do.

Lets talk about the concept that I think most people will be familiar with first. Unless you are living under a rock you have heard of the concept of mansplaining. As a matter of fact I recently had a man interrupt a conversation I was having with someone else so he could mansplain mansplaining. It’s really not uncommon for women to feel like men, or even on occasion other women, are taking their voices away. Now if you feel you have never experienced mansplaining, then I am over-joyed for you, but you are in the minority.

But it’s not just by mansplaining that we have our voices taken away as women. A ten minute look at congress will show you a large group of men who think they know what is best for women and their bodies. From dictating what birth control health care will cover to deciding what choices are right for a woman’s body, they think they know what is best for us. They put in place laws that limit our choices and effectively take out voices away from us.

But what about people with disabilities? How are their voices stolen? Before I go any further I want to preface this part by saying this is based on my own personal experiences. I have spoken to other people with various disabilities, and this seems to be most, but not all, of what I am going to talk about is more of an issue for people like me who suffer mainly from invisible illnesses.

Here are some of the things I experience on a regular basis as a disabled person. It’s not unusual for people to question if I am really sick since they can’t see anything wrong with me. If they aren’t questioning my health itself then I typically get unsolicited advice on how I should be dealing with my health or people questioning if I have done enough to try to get better. Now sometimes these things are said out of a good place, and I try to recognize that. But the idea that I somehow wouldn’t try, or at least investigate, everything that is available to me to get better is a little absurd. But when I tell people as much, but in a nice way of course, I get incredulous looks or responses of how I must have tried something different because their friends daughters best friends sister has the same thing as me and it worked for them.

But it truly goes beyond just the average person on the street that you deal with. You would think that the treatment you get from a doctor would be better. Sometimes it is easier with a doctor, but a lot of the time it’s not. Doctors aren’t always fully trained on every illness, they are also sometimes directed in a certain way by state laws or hospital policies that may not actually be for the best of the patient. And really they are just people and make mistakes too.

I shared in my previous post that I actually suffer from several chronic pain conditions, including fibromyalgia. In the state I live in there are still doctors who don’t believe it exists, and I have been told this by a couple of doctors before. One took it so far as to tell me he thought I was just being lazy. But then if you do find a doctor who will treat you and believes you, if you dare state that you know what medicine works for you, then you are treated like a drug addict.

Being fat (insert plus size, curvy, pleasantly plump, Rubenesque, or whatever you want to call it here) in the US, and maybe other places too, comes with a lot of those same sorts of examples. People make unwelcome comments about how they think you look, what you’re wearing and whether they think its appropriate for someone your size, and especially about what you are eating and whether they think you should be or not.

People really seem to think the only reason someone might be fat is because they don’t know how to make good life decisions. Or maybe they think we are too stupid to know if you overeat that it will cause you to gain weight. And so by telling us these things, they are then going to be this awesome hero that sweeps in and saves the day. But in reality life isn’t that simple. There are tons of reasons someone might be overweight, and at least for the majority of people I know, overeating is not what caused them to gain weight.

And again, you would think that you would have better treatment from a doctor, but in my experience that is not the case. You would be surprised at how many doctors just make that assumption that because you are over weight you automatically are going to have high cholesterol, diabetes, etc.. I have actually had a doctor say to me, “No, you’re too fat to have better numbers on your cholesterol and blood sugar than me. This can’t be right”. And it’s not just rude statements like that, I could probably live with those if I felt I was getting the best medical treatment possible. But the shear waste of time that is involved with these preconceived notions is unacceptable.

When I was at my worst, health wise, it often meant going to the doctor at least once a week. It took forever to find doctors who were giving me quality care and not just focusing on my weight. It’s not helpful to go to the doctor and have your blood drawn by the same doctor at every visit simply because the doctor can’t get beyond their own personal biases. Now if you are relatively healthy, and you only go to the doctor once a year for an annual physical, then its acceptable. But let it sink in, I literally had doctors who wanted to draw my blood on a weekly basis, just because they couldn’t believe it was possible for me to have healthy levels of blood sugar and cholesterol.

Now maybe you have read all of this and you don’t understand why I am saying people are taking our voices away. It really comes down to this, I think anytime someone doesn’t listen to you, thinks they know what is better for you, doesn’t respect your opinions or the facts, then they are essentially taking your voice away. Whether someone’s intentions are good or not is besides the point. And women, fat people, and disabled people are not the only ones who experience this, I think anyone in a minority group or oppressed group experience these things as well.

I would love to hear what some of you have experienced yourself. Tell me in the comments how people have been trying to take your voice away. Or if you want to disagree with me leave that in the comments too. All comments will be approved unless they are disrespectful or of a bullying nature.

 


 

 

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What It’s Like To Be A Fat, Sick, Woman In The US – Part 2 I Am A Pre-Existing Condition

In my previous post ‘What It’s Like To Be A Fat, Sick, Woman In The US – Part 1 Why I Am Speaking Out About My Disabilities‘, I think the title speaks for itself on content. Today I wanted to actually talk about my personal diagnoses and what they may mean for me, as well as other people with the same illnesses, in daily life.

I have only ever sat down and made a list of everything I have been diagnosed with once, and that was quite a few years and diagnoses ago. I found it quite overwhelming at the time due to how many there were at the time. I think that has a lot to do with why I was so hesitant to write this post as well as why it took me so long to write it. If I find it overwhelming and hard to understand it all, how are you suppose to understand it?

Rather than try to go into the complete definition and all of the symptoms of each ailment, I will link everything I can to places you can get more information. I will just talk about what I feel bothers me the most and do my best to talk about the challenges caused by each illness. I have put everything in order of most disruptive of my life to least, or most difficult to deal with to least. Please keep in mind that is completely subjective to my personal experience and my experience does not represent everyone’s experience with an illness.

My Diagnoses

Fibromyalgia (a.k.a. in the past as fibromyalgia syndrome,fibromyositis, and fibrositis) – This is both the most difficult illness that I deal with and the one of the most difficult to explain to other people. It’s so complicated, and there is so little known about it even by doctors. However, I will do my best to describe what I go through to you.

I have lots of pain. There isn’t a moment of any day that I am not in some sort of pain. And it’s not just one type of pain or even located in one place. One moment I might have a random pain in my foot and the next my shoulders are hurting. Sometimes it might be a stabbing pain and other times it feels like someone has taken super hot rubber band and put it around an arm or leg and tightened till the circulation has been cut off. Sometimes even the lightest touch becomes painful. This one is a unique pain though. The best I have ever been able to describe it is like this; think of that feeling you get when someone runs their nails down a chalkboard, now times that feeling by ten and instead of it being triggered by sound its triggered by touch.

The next biggest thing I have to deal with when it comes to fibromyalgia is what is often referred to as brain fog. This means I often have memory loss, but it’s not like the kind of memory loss you think of with amnesia or Alzheimer patients. With brain fog you don’t actually lose the memory so much as you can’t access it for a brief period of time. For instance you might be in the middle of saying something and then just can’t get a word out. Or maybe you constantly can’t remember people’s names, even the ones you have known for years. But then ten minutes later you will remember what you were about to say. You continually have that feeling of having what you were about to say on the tip of your tongue. I personally find this symptom distressing, especially when dealing with people who haven’t known me for long or don’t know how my illness works. This is because it in a way strip me partially from my identity. I feel like the intelligent and creative mind I have is hidden behind constant pauses with me saying uh I can’t think of the word I was trying to use.

In addition to the pain and brain fog I deal with fatigue, temperature sensitivity, sleep disturbance from the pain, and numerous other issue. There are also many other illnesses that go hand in hand with fibromyalgia as well as some have similar symptoms. It can get really complicated to tell what is causing what. But I will talk more about that as we go.

 

Chronic Fatigue Syndrome – I think that the name of this makes this sort of deceptive to people. People hear fatigue and focus on that. You can’t imagine how many times I, as well as other people, with chronic fatigue have people ask something like “so your just tired all the time right?”. But it’s more than being tired. I have periods of time that I am so fatigued I literally can’t move to get out of the bed. Or I try to get out of the bed and my whole body will just shake and I can’t function. If I try to push myself past this point it actually triggers my fibromyalgia to get worse and I can get sick and stuck in bed from a flare up. This may last a few hours or a few weeks.

This is one of the illnesses with tricky to distinguish symptoms because I have so many other things wrong with me that may cause fatigue. For example one of the symptoms you can have with fibromyalgia is fatigue, but for me I have found the level of fatigue is very different. And it is very different from the feeling of just being tired from not sleeping. It took me a while to really figure out the differences and what to do to handle my illness.

 

Chronic Insomnia – I suffer from both Primary and Secondary Insomnia. The difference between Primary and Secondary is that Primary Insomnia does not have any underlying medical reason like pain or sleep apnea that is causing the insomnia, and secondary does. You might wonder how I have both Primary and Secondary, and how I distinguish between them. Well, I have dealt with Primary insomnia since I was a very young child. It wasn’t till I was older and started dealing with pain conditions that I had Secondary Insomnia, and you can very easily tell whether you are awake for no reason or if you are awake because of pain.

If I had made this list ten years ago, maybe even five years ago, insomnia would have been much farther down the list on things that bother me. As I said, I have dealt with this since I was a young child. It was never unusual for me to run on three or four hours of sleep. Sure I felt a little tired at times, but for the most part I usually just dealt with it and no one could ever tell. But in the last five years or so, it’s become increasingly harder and harder to deal with. I just can’t recover from it anymore.

 

Ruptured Disc (a.k.a. slipped or herniated disc) – When I was 24 years old I woke up one day and I was in immense pain. I was in so much pain I couldn’t walk without assistance, and I was barely able to move my legs. I was told I had a ruptured disc at L5/S1 and that it was one of the biggest ruptures the doctor had ever seen without the disc completely breaking. (I later found out I had another much smaller ruptured disc in my upper back, but this one is the one that causes the majority of my problems).

I was in college and working two-part time jobs, so I had no health insurance and had little money. I was fortunate that I had a chiropractor that was willing to work with me till I figured out how to pay. And I knew the right programs through the hospital to help pay for the expensive tests I needed. I ended up being in this severe of a condition for about six months, though I still have problems with it till this day. And as you will read further in, it caused other problems as well.

During that time I essentially went from someone who was very active to almost a completely sedentary life. Beyond the pain it had numerous ramifications on my health , my mental well-being, and my body. Typically people who have issues with a ruptured disc that are as severe and that last as long as mine have would have surgery. Even if I wanted surgery, it is not an option for me, and you will understand why as you read further.

Sciatica – Sciatica causes pain to radiate from your lower back or buttocks down your leg and to your feet and toes. Where the pain ends has depends on what the cause of the sciatica is and how severe the problem is. It typically is only on one side of the body, however for me due to a hip issue making my ruptured disk move back and forth, the pain can be on either side. But most of the time the pain is on my left side. My sciatica was long lasting. This was one of the many problems caused by the ruptured disc I have.

 

Endometriosis turned out to be Adenomyosis – You may be far more familiar with Endometriosis, or at least heard of it, than you are with Adenomyosis. There are many similarities and differences between these two conditions. The biggest distinguisher between the two is that with Endometriosis the Endometrial tissue grows outside the uterus and can grow anywhere in the body, and with Adenomyosis the Endometrial tissue grows into the muscular wall of the uterus. Also, since Endometriosis can spread throughout the body, it can never be definitely cured, however Adenomyosis can.

Both conditions can be extremely painful, and because they have so many of the same symptoms and treatments they often are both diagnosed as Endometriosis. And from my understanding, Adenomyosis can only truly be diagnosed when a hysterectomy is performed, which is what happened to me. So for years I was treated as though I had Endometriosis.

From the time my period started at the age of 12 they were heavy(in a way that is not explainable unless you have experienced it), painful, and embarrassing. I tried to find out what was wrong for years and had gotten many other misdiagnosis like PCOS, but I will talk about that more in another post. When I was in my mid 20’s I finally got a diagnosis of Endometriosis, and that finally made sense. After using various treatments on and off for about ten years my symptoms finally got to a place that it was necessary to have a hysterectomy.

As a woman, the word hysterectomy can be quite frightening in and of itself. So I think its needless to say there was a bit of stress I went through over the decision to have a hysterectomy. But I found the support of other women and much-needed information through the website Hyster Sisters, and it really got me through the hardest points. I can now say it is one of the best decisions I have made for my health, and I actually wish I had done it earlier.

 

Nerve Damage – One of the long-term repercussion of the ruptured discs I have is nerve damage. I have nerve damage of varying degrees in my lower back, down both of my legs, and down my left arm. This means I have varying degrees of numbness in some areas, decreased reflexes, and occasional issues with motor functions.

 

Migraines – I have had migraines since I was thirteen years old. In the beginning I would have them occasionally. I really just assumed it was going to be like my grandmother who also gets them but she gets them maybe once every other month or so. When she gets them she ends up in the bed for a day or two and then she is better. And in the beginning that is how mine were as well, or because I had a lot to do I would typically push through the pain.

As I got older the migraines got more frequent. By the time I was in my late teens I was having at least two migraines a week and I had started to figure out some of the things that triggered them, but also realized because of the world we live in it is hard to avoid. Again, because of a lack of health care and living in extreme poverty I didn’t actually get the official diagnosis until about the age of 25.

After I was diagnosed I was put on a preventative medicine called Topamax. There are various preventative medicines on the market, not all of them work for everybody. I was fortunate enough to hit a home run with the first one. Topamax does have some pretty heavy side effect, so if you don’t have a well-informed doctor helping you it can be dangerous. It is definitely not the medicine you want to go on and off of on a whim, but side effects are something I will talk about in another post. Lets just say that this was like a miracle drug in many ways for me, but it does have some drawbacks. And once I really got to a point where my headaches were under control that’s when I realized how bad they really were and how much they were really interfering with my life.

 

Interstitial cystitis (a.k.a. IC, irritable bladder, or painful bladder syndrome) This is one of those odd illnesses that you probably never heard of unless you either have it or have thought you had it at some point. IC is one of those illnesses that are not uncommon to have if you have fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue. I think people are far more familiar with irritable bowel syndrome, or IBS, however it works very similarly just with your bladder instead. However, IC can be more dangerous than IBS. Left unchecked IC can actually cause your bladder to explode. The good news is there are things you can do to help with you bladder. So if you suspect that you have IC, I urge you to see your doctor to have testing done.

 

Cluster Headaches – I thankfully don’t get these often, I don’t think I would survive if I did. And they would be much further up the list if I did get them often. When I do get them, the pain is intense. I often feel like I have a hot poker pushing through my eyeball. Not much more to say than that.

 

TMJ Disorder (Temporomandibular Joint Disorder) – This is another disorder that is often associated with fibromyalgia. Don’t get me wrong, you do not have to have fibromyalgia to get TMJ, but if you have fibromyalgia it’s not unusual to have it. TMJ can be caused by a few things, mine caused by the alignment of my jaw not being correct at times.

When that happens some of the things I can start having issues with is opening and shutting my mouth, my jaw clicks when I open and shut my mouth or even chew, pain in the jaw joint, pain in the ear area, and facial pain. Thankfully my TMJ has been reasonably easy to treat as of yet.

Allergies to:

  • Balsam Of Peru – This is one area of my health I have talked a lot about here on the blog. Since I cover a lot of beauty issues and part of this allergy verges into that arena, it’s kind of relevant. So rather than linking you to an outside source for this one, I have linked to a previous article that I wrote about my allergy. It links to plenty of reference articles. All I will say here is it is one of the most complicated allergies you can have. It causes you to have reactions to hundreds of items in beauty items, food, and medicine. I may have reactions in the form of Contact Dermatitis, blisters in my mouth, or a migraine.
  • Dust and Dust Mites – The only time I seem to react to the dust and dust mite allergy is when I am cleaning. I am guessing this is because this is when they are stirred up into the air. I range from having a brief sneezing fit to a full on sinus infection after.
  • Mold – This is my most recent diagnosis. I haven’t had any treatments yet or leaned a significant amount about it. I had suspected for a while that I was allergic to mold, but went to get tested because I had read there was a possibility that some people have been misdiagnosed with fibromyalgia who actually have an allergy to mold. However you can also be both allergic to mold and have fibromyalgia. But the symptoms are very similar. This is of course something I am still looking into, so don’t put too much stock into it.

Raynaud’s Disease – This is another one of those odd diseases that you probably haven’t heard of unless you or a loved one has it. It only bothers me about half of the year, but if you live somewhere with a colder climate then you might have issues year round. What happens to people with Raynaud’s Disease can be a little different in each individual, but here is what happens to me. Anytime I am exposed to temperatures below forty degrees my fingers (sometimes my toes and nose as well) start to go numb and they ache. They even start to turn blue, sometimes they turn white. Then as they start to warm back up I get painful tingly sensations, like the sensation you get when a limb falls asleep and you are trying to get the circulation back, but its twice as painful. And the area turns red and swells.

This has honestly happened to me for a long time. I just never knew it was anything but normal until I read an article someone posted on Facebook about this condition a few years ago. I then asked my doctor about it, and then I was diagnosed.

Degenerative Disc Disease – Even though this is called a disease, it’s not a disease in the sense you typically think of a disease. Degenerative Disc Disease is really just the normal breakdown of the disc in our spines that happens as we age. However when it happens at a normal rate it usually doesn’t get referred to as Degenerative Disc Disease, it is only described this way when things happen to cause it prematurely. I was told at the age of 25 that my spine looked like that of a 80 year old woman’s.

There are many things that can cause it or at least contribute to it. This is one of the few cases in my health where being overweight really can be harmful. It does put extra pressure on your spine, so it can contribute to how fast the discs deteriorate. In addition injuries caused from falls or car accidents may cause the start of Degenerative Disc Disease as well as bone spurs.

Arthritis – When I was in third grade my school gym class often had days where we had indoor activities due to weather. One of those many days our gym teacher decided we were going to have relay races. When I was running into what was our home base for the race, I fell and slid in. Had this been outside it would not have been that big of a deal. However, it was a big deal because it happened on a concrete floor. I ended up cracking my knee caps, of course we didn’t know that is what happened at the time. Since we didn’t have insurance my parents held off on taking me to the doctor. To be fair I didn’t complain a lot. I told them it hurt but I wasn’t crying in pain. I don’t think they understood the severity at the time. It ended up being two weeks later when I made it to a doctor. The bone had already started to heal wrong by then. All they could do at that point was give me exercises that would hopefully help. But of course being a kid I didn’t do most of them.

Depression – I think most people suffer from some form of depression at one point or another in their life. But not all depressions are created equal, there are different types and degrees of depression. For some it is a short-term issue and for other people their depression is a lifetime issue. During my teen years I often felt down, but not fully depressed. I think the best reference would be I felt melancholy.

When I got older and my initial major health issues hit, that left me feeling majorly depresses. More than that I had feelings of rage and of morning. The type of depression I was going through, I now know is not unusual for someone who has become newly disabled, but it really scared me. After experiencing years of dealing with a parent who had bipolar disorder and refused to get treated, I didn’t want to be that person. So I went as soon as possible to go get myself a therapist. I got checked and thankfully I do not have bipolar disorder. But I did get a lot of help for what I was feeling at the time.

I wholeheartedly encourage everyone to seek out a mental health professional in a time of crisis or if you just feel like you need someone to talk to. It doesn’t mean you are crazy. It doesn’t mean there is something horribly wrong with you. Your just human, and we all need some help sometimes.

 

Sialolithiasis (a.k.a. Salivary Duct Stones) – This is once again one of the odd illnesses that I have that you just don’t hear about unless you have it yourself or someone you are very close to. You may even already be thinking what the heck is Salivary Duct Stones(I am pretty sure most of us can’t even say the other name for it, or at least I know I can’t)? Just like you can develop stones in your kidneys or gallbladder, you can also develop stones in saliva ducts. Some people are just more prone to it that others.

Imagine going to sleep one night and everything is fine, the next morning you wake up and notice you have a small knot on your neck. It was so tiny at first it gets dismissed as a large pimple. But throughout the day it increases in size and starts to become tenser to the touch. By the next morning it’s the size of golf ball. Obviously you go to the ER at this point. Now know what this is, and as funny as it sound, it is still not something you would want to play around with as far getting checked out by a doctor. I was lucky and the simplest treatment available worked for me, and has continued to work the other two times it has happened. But this can become serious, especially if it becomes infected.

 

Chronic Dry Eye – I think everyone understands what Chronic Dry Eye is. What most people don’t know is there are a ton of things that can cause it from other illnesses to medication side effects, or even the way you eye is shaped. My chronic dry eye is a combination of having a very severe keratoconus astigmatism  causing the tears to evaporate quickly and my contact dermatitis clogging my tear ducts. The type of treatment used for your Chronic Dry Eye depends upon the what the cause is.

 

Sleep Walking – Apparently its unusual for adults to sleep walk. So yeah, I know, Its amazing I have something unusual. It actually runs in my family. My father is worse than I am when it comes to sleepwalking. There are various things that can cause sleepwalking in an adult. I actually attempted to find out what is the cause of mine and if there is any way to stop it. However the place I went was not very helpful, and I never found out what was actually causing it. My sleepwalking seems to happen in spurts, so if it ever gets to a place where it is problematic again I may go to another sleep clinic to try to find the cause.

 

Keloid Scars – Keloids only develop on people who are genetically predisposed to them. They are overgrown scar tissue that cause very massive growths after a cut or scratch. If you remember back to me saying I was not a candidate for surgery on my ruptured disc, this is why. Keloid scars in general just cause cosmetic issues and maybe some itching, however there are exceptions like me not being a candidate for surgery. While most of the scar is topical, there is a small bit under the skin. Because they are so large and dense, and because of where my ruptured disc was located, the thought is that if a keloid were to form after the surgery it could cause worse problems than I already have.

 

Sebaceous Cyst – Sebaceous cysts are caused by blocked sweat glands or hair follicles. The oil and dirt build up and cause a bump to grow under the skin. Usually they are larger than acne, and they can be anywhere on your body. Typically I would say that these are just bothersome and a cosmetic worry. However, while I don’t get them often, I do get them close to my spine. This seems to cause some discomfort because of the pressure it puts on my spine.
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I am not going further with the list and explanations. I didn’t include things that were one time incidents like the kidney stone I dealt with. I also didn’t include things that have long since healed like my torn elbow tendon. Nor did I include things that were chronic, but I have long since figured out what was the cause and put them to rest like my COPD from hAsthma and Chronic Bronchitis. I didn’t even include my many misdiagnosises, unless it was relevant to something I was already talking about, including the ear infections I was constantly diagnosed with as a child. And I am pretty sure there are even a few things that I wanted to talk about that I didn’t.

This post is already way longer than I wanted it to be, but I wanted to talk about as much of my diagnosises as possible. So if you have made it this far and read all about what is wrong with me, your probably for one wondering what any of this has to with being fat, and I promise I am getting to that soon. I actually wanted the next piece in this series to be about how being fat affects you when you go to the doctor and how being disabled affects you. And where the similarities are in those two things. But that may get pushed to the next one. It may all depend on how much information I can get on the upcoming vote on the Trumpcare Bill that Mitch McConnell is trying to force through a vote next month.

And Speaking of the Trumpcare Bill or the amended ACA, I said I would let you know where I stood as far as pre-existing conditions. I mean my title is I Am A Pre-Existing Condition. So here goes, based on the initial list released here are the things I have or have previously had that make me a pre-existing condition.

  1.   Acid Reflux
  2.   Acne
  3.   Anemia
  4.   Anxiety
  5.   Arthritis
  6.   Asthma
  7.   Depression
  8.   Heart Burn
  9.   Hysterectomy
  10. Kidney Stones
  11. Menstrual irregularities
  12. Mental Disorders (they say this includes Anxiety, Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Schizophrenia)
  13. Migraines
  14. Obesity
  15. Sleep Apnea

That is fifteen pre-existing conditions. And they aren’t even for the weird obscure things I have, its the everyday things that so many people have. Things you would expect your insurance company to cover. For the full list of pre-existing conditions you can find them here. (Note: as I awoke this morning, right before my final edit of this post, I read the Trump Care Bill as it currently stands has been scrapped. However, they will be back with another bill soon, they are going to be pushing for the ACA to be done away with completely and starting something new. I will try and have more details on that later)

Tell me in the comments below, what makes you a pre-existing condition? Also let me know if there is something you want me to talk about further regarding health or if there is something specific I haven’t talked about yet about being fat and sick.

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Yes, I Am Still Here. A Quick Catch Up Post

Out of Spoons

I know its been a hot minute since I have done a post, and there has been minimal posting on Facebook and Twitter the last couple of months. I really am sorry to have fallen off the face of the earth like that, but I honestly didn’t have enough spoons to go around.

If you aren’t sure what I am talking about with spoons, I have mentioned in previous posts I have fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue. Spoons is a reference to The Spoon Theory by Christine Miserandino, which can be found on her blog But You Don’t Look Sick. I highly recommend you read it if you or someone you care about has a chronic pain condition or chronic illness.

So in addition to just dealing with my normal illness and life, there has been a lot going on. My husband lost his job, then job hunted, and found a new job that he has since started. And since he is the main bread winner in our house, that right there says stress. But we also hit our usual high of, somehow the majority of people we know have birthdays in November and December. We also have been in the process of, not exactly remodeling, but rearranging our house for the better. Still doing a bit of that. And this year was our turn to host the friends Christmas party, which I loved doing, but we had to really get things in gear with rearranging certain rooms before the party. All of this on top of starting a charity with one my besties. You can check it out at Dignity Purses.

And since Christmas I feel I have been either recouping or just totally lacking motivation. I have been so without energy that I actually missed my major selling season for both of my stores, so I had no income to contribute to our household. But during my down time I have been doing a lot of thinking and planning. I realize some things I needed and wanted. Before Christmas I actually had considered closing down the blog. I love doing things with the blog, but I felt I wasn’t giving it the time and attention it deserves to justify the money I spend to keep it running. But in December I had been contacted by a couple of people in private messages that let me know that at least in some small way I had helped them. And that has been really all I have ever wanted from this blog since I started it. I always thought that if I could help even just one person that was enough for me.

So after a lot of thought and consideration I decided I will be keeping the blog open at least for a while, but I will be making some small changes. Some that will just help me to post more often and some that will hopefully help me contribute more financially to my household, while still maintaining my integrity. Here are some of the changes you might see over the next month or two:

  • You might see adds pop up on the site. (I promise to keep it to a minimum and to keep it relevant to things talked about on the site)
  • You will hopefully see more post more frequently, but a lot of them may be shorter in nature and a larger variety of topics may show up. And there may be a lot more product and company reviews from now on.
  • You will start seeing me promote Beauteque. With this particular company, yes with promoting them I can earn commissions (I want to be very open and honest about this), but its not about that for me. Commissions are not very much from them. They are a small company bringing K beauty to the US. I started purchasing from them and switching over to mainly K beauty about 8 to 9 months ago, and its really made a huge difference for me. I really believe in this company. I will be talking about them and products that I use extensively in the future. Until then, if you already buy from them or are interested in trying them, you can get 10% off your purchase with my coupon code KAREN.
  • You should start seeing an improvement in picture quality on the blog soon. I was lucky enough to get a nice new camera for my recent Birthday. I will be playing around with it.
  • There should be some updated ways to contact me soon. I have had a few people asking about a mailing address and email address.

I will be talking more about most of these changes soon. And don’t worry, if you came for the plus size fashion I still plan on doing that too. Until then I would love to hear any of your thoughts, comments, concerns, or ideas. Talk to me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Lets Get Personal

I wanted to take the time to share something personal with all of you. I don’t really want this blog to become about this, but I felt that sharing this may be a good way to connect to all of you, my readers. I also feel a lot of issues in life are created by trying to hide the things society tells us we should be embarrassed or ashamed of, so I try and be very open about things in my life. I am not going to try and educate anyone here, but if after reading you have questions, feel free to ask.

So you may over time begin to notice there may be stretches of days or weeks where I post less here and on Facebook, if you follow me there. I have some prominent health issues in my life that really wreck havoc at times. Its a pretty long list, so I figured I would share the basic ones that create the most problems for me.

I suffer from Fibromyalgia. While there are many components and sub-illnesses involved with fibromyalgia, I think the picture below does a decent job of showing the major symptoms involved.

fibromyalgia

Most, but not all, of my fibromyalgia symptoms are bigger issues in the winter. So it is far more likely that you will notice absences in the winter months, especially if it is an exceptionally cold winter.

I also have chronic fatigue syndrome. Often, but not always, chronic fatigue can go hand in hand with fibromyalgia. Its pretty common that if someone has one they also have the other. Here is another graphic that is pretty decent at summing up the basics of chronic fatigue.

Chronic_Fatigue_Syndrome-1

Chronic fatigue keeps me feeling as though I can not accomplish a lot in a day. I become exhausted very easy, and simple task are so hard.

I also have a ruptured disk at L5/S1. Which in turn causes sciatica. Sciatica is pain and burning sensations radiating from the sciatic nerve, which is pictured below.

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There is more, but I don’t want to scare anyone with my list of health issues. The biggest change in my life after all the years of dealing with all this is not being able to be active to the degree I use to be. When I was younger, before my health problems began, I was extremely active. I loved to hike, camp, dance, and travel often. I can’t camp anymore at all, and the other things I am very limited in how and when I can do them. While I was never

Fashion is a great way for me to make myself feel better at times. After having a bought of not being able to do much, it is a relief to get dressed and feel normal as much as possible. This is a bit of a double edged sword though. Since most of my illnesses are considered invisible illnesses people often don’t realize there is anything wrong with me, and inadvertently people say things that can be frustrating or hurtful. In some ways its like being plus size. I mean, as a plus size woman, we often hear things like “your pretty for a big girl”, “you would looks even better when you lose some weight”, or “you know being your weight you will probably have a heart attack”. Similarly when you have an invisible illness you hear “if you would just try this (insert pill, exercise, or product that is the latest craze here) you would feel so much better”, “your just making excuses so you don’t have to (insert activity here)”, or “but you don’t look sick”. No matter where its coming from, most people have good intentions and think they are helping, but of course there are always those few that don’t.

People so often speak before thinking. All those people who think that my health is because of my weight are so wrong. My weight is because of my illness. There are so many reasons why anyone could gain weight. And none of them are anyone’s business but your own. All those test the doctors always like to run when you are overweight, because they are so sure you are going to have diabetes, high blood pressure, or high cholesterol. I had to go through so many doctors before I found one that got it. My test always come back well within normal range, sometimes better than my very skinny doctor.

If any of you are dealing with some of the same types of issues, I would love to hear your experiences. Post a comment below, or post on Facebook.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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