Sometimes I feel like some kind of phony…going in the dressing room with a smaller size. How foolish of me to even try…and yet it’s starting to fit. I should be elated, and jump for joy. My weight loss efforts are making ground – but instead I look at myself in the mirror and wonder if it will still fit when I get home. My head plays games with me…and sometimes I still want the bigger sizes.
I tried on a blouse and almost bought the 2x. I used to wear a 3x, but now need a 1x. The 2x was a little loose, and I like that loose feeling – it hides me like a security blanket, but when I put on the 1x, it fit like it was supposed to. It looked better….and yet my brain wanted the 2x. Will the 1x cling, will everyone know I bought the wrong size. The problem is, the 2x was the wrong size….I stood there looking in the mirror at my self, my body….and chose the 1x for fit.
My lower body has is still between a 1x and a 2x based on the brand or cut of an item. My stomach will be the deciding factor on pants I might buy. I put on a dress…dare I pick up a 20…I’ve always been between a 22-24, and let’s be honest, I’d creeped to the 26 size on some items…then I picked up a size 18 too…just in case. Why? I know it won’t fit…but i put the dress on, and my body is between those two sizes…..
Running and my lower calories are slowly changing my body….my brain is a few steps behind. Sometimes I get excited to see the smaller size, other times I stand there and feel like a fake, a phony – and think I’m a fool to buy that size…just get the bigger one, “just in case”….it’s a process….something I need to go through – to heal my mind. I’m getting there….to a healthier body and mind.
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